For those of you who may not have heard, my dad passed away last week. It's been a rough week for us. My parents were divorced and I was an only child, so it has been up to me to make arrangements, plan the service, and commence probate on the estate. None of these were decisions that I was ready to make, nor wanted to make.
Below is the obituary, in case you missed it in one of the 3 different papers it ran in. I've also included below the eulogy that I wrote, which my Uncle Andy read at the service, in case you missed that as well.
It’s so hard to find the right words to describe a person’s whole life; to sum up who they were in just a few short paragraphs. Daddy was a friend, a son, a brother, a husband, a father, and most recently, a grandfather, for which he was very proud. He cared deeply for his family. He was our rock, the head of our household, and he led us as a family. He set examples for me, by which to live my life, making me the person I am today.
He was the true definition of an engineer: detailed, organized, analytical… and always right. Ever the conservative republican, he had his political opinions and didn’t mind sharing them. He loved Star Trek and Sudoku; Monty Python and Dilbert. He even loved ‘The Simpsons’, but he didn’t think it was funny when people would call him Homer. He was a huge fan of the St Louis Cardinals. And he enjoyed a good practical joke, especially when it was on someone else. He drank his coffee black; but his blood ran orange. Football season was his favorite time of year! He would be so sorry he missed yesterday’s game!
He had a passion for airplanes and had been working towards his pilot’s license. He loved to travel, visiting many countries over the years. Most recently he visited Ireland, but he held a special place in his heart for South Africa and had talked about going back again soon. He enjoyed just hanging out with friends, especially going out to eat, and trying out new restaurants. He loved watching movies of all kinds – sci-fi, historical, war movies, and especially comedies.
Our favorite movie to watch together was “Ferris Beuhler’s Day Off”. We must have seen it a million times – we could both recite the lines throughout the whole movie, like “You have nothing to worry about – I’m a professional”. To which Cameron replies “Professional what?” I remember every time they cussed on the movie, no matter what my age was at the time, he would always say “Such language.” His favorite part was when they took the Ferrari out of the garage with the song “Oh Yeah” by Yello playing in the background.
He loved useless, but interesting facts. He also loved maps. In fact, we couldn’t have a conversation where some place in the world was mentioned that he wouldn’t bring out a map and show me where it was. If I asked a question, like “how far away is Nashville?”, he would get the map out and show me, even if all I wanted was a simple answer, like “3 hours.”
I inherited many of my traits from him – both the good ones (like my sense of humor) and the bad ones (like my stubbornness). He was also quite the perfectionist.
I remember one time when I was about 13 or 14, I walked into his garage and saw the shelves looking a bit disorganized. I thought it would be nice to surprise him- so I moved everything around and cleaned it all up. Unfortunately, he wasn’t too happy about the surprise. I can just remember him coming home and being so upset because even though it looked like chaos to me, he knew where everything was. I can laugh about that now because I totally understand. I know what organized chaos is! (If you’ve ever seen my work desk, you know too)!
His attention to detail was also present in his lawn care. He was always so proud of his grass and his flowers and trees. The lawn would always be mowed at an angle as to create that nice criss-cross pattern. The only job he was allowed to do inside the house was vacuuming. But he could vacuum like no one I’ve ever seen – in such a direction to make nice clean lines in the carpet.
One of the most important things he taught me – was how to drive. (which really explains so much)! The first car he bought me was a 1980 Mazda RX-7. It was a 12-year old car with rust on the door. But he was so excited because he bought it from a friend for $1000 and fixed it up just for me. I loved that car! Rex was its name. It sat in the driveway for about a year before I turned 16. One time when he wasn’t home, I was just so anxious to start driving that I just wanted to simply start the car. Unfortunately, it was in gear and shot forward. He wasn’t too happy to come home and find a rather large dent in his garage door.
Another time, I spilled a whole glass of coke on his keyboard, which of course shorted out. He wasn’t happy about having to buy a new keyboard. Shortly after that, I was sitting in his favorite chair with a glass of milk and a cookie, when along comes a kitty cat who knocks the remote control at just the right angle that it falls into the glass of milk. Again, not real happy about buying a new remote control. Even though he might have been a little mad at the time, those are the stories we laugh about now.
I knew he was proud of me no matter what. He said I could be anything I wanted to be… except for a lawyer. But then he even supported me when I applied to law school. He was proud that I went to Lee University, even though it wasn’t his first choice for me. Even after I had moved away, he would continually give me updates on how the campus had grown and if he’d driven by and seen soap suds in the fountain again.
He loved our kitties, and allowed them to share a house with us even though he was allergic! When I was very young, we had only a dog. But I wanted a cat so bad. I begged and begged for them to get me a kitten. Finally, in 4th grade, Daddy made a deal with me – if I could make straight A’s in every class, then I could have a kitten at the end of the year. He thought he was off the hook – he apparently didn’t think I could do it. So I proved him wrong, and I got my first cat, Gretchen. Despite not being a cat person, he loved her and would worry about her if she didn’t come home at night. And she wasn’t the last – I think there were 5 or 6 more cats over the years and he loved them all. In fact, we never had another dog! We turned him into a cat person!
Another passion of his was music. He always had the radio on in the garage or in the car. His favorite was classic rock. And he had quite the CD collection – everything from Led Zeppelin and ZZ Top to Pink Floyd and the Beatles. I remember not being real crazy about his music when I was little, but then about high school, I started “borrowing” his CDs. If he was looking for a particular one, he knew to come and get it out of my room. I probably even still have a few of those that I “borrowed.” But he didn’t mind at all – he was happy to share his music collection with me.
He was usually willing to do whatever was asked of him. I can’t remember how many times Mom would be cooking something and not have all the ingredients on hand. He would quickly offer to run out to the grocery store to find it, many times ending up going to 3 different groceries stores looking for it, not wanting to come home empty-handed.
He was caring and generous. He was proud to be a Blood Donor, and as of 2008, he had donated 13 gallons of blood throughout the years! He was very diligent about visiting the medic every 56 days to give! I don’t even think he did it for the free t-shirts.
Of all the things he taught me, the one thing I am most grateful for is my Faith. He always made church a priority in our lives. We almost never missed a Sunday or a Wednesday night service. I watched him tithe and serve the church, setting an example for me by which to live my life.
I found this quote today, which really sums up all my feelings right now. And if you leave here with nothing else today, I hope you take away this:
“The death of someone we know always reminds us that we are still alive - perhaps for some purpose which we ought to re-examine.”
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960~
I can’t dwell on why it happened, but rather remember all the happy memories we had. And it’s times like these that you realize how precious life really is. So hug your family tight. Tell them that you love them, because you don’t know when it will be the last time.
I love you, Daddy.
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